Foolish Illusion
by The Twisted Enigma
Summary: I wanted to know every curve, muscle, and pleasure spot on his body… I wanted to make love to him over and over again… I wanted to stare into his eyes for as long as I could… "Luce, Lucy… I love you." Don't say it please… "I love you, baby…" Don't say it because I might just believe you NALU! AU
1. Chapter 1

**WARNINGS- contain's a death and well a lemon that might be very descriptive. Fairy tail does not belong to me it belongs to mashima hiro.**

**This is a two-shot normally a one-shot but it got too long so I split it in two. Characters may be OOC sorry.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"**Foolish illusion…"**

I see you…

Off in the distance, you just came out of a store with that pretty silver haired girl attached to your arm. God how long has it been? Three years? Yeah; three years since we just stopped being friends.

You don't see me sitting down in a chair in the café across the street. You don't see me but I see you.

I feel my eyes burning and my vision getting blurry.

Oh, for fucks sakes give me a break already!

Why?

_Why did I have to fall in love with you?_

_Why do I feel like I just lost something that wasn't ev_e_n mines to begin with?_

_Why can't I forget you?_

I just sigh and get up not forgetting to leave a twenty on the table, my meal wasn't that expensive but I just really don't want to talk to anyone. I'm pretty sure my waiter will be happy once he sees the left over tip money. I begin to walk back towards my apartment but I just couldn't stop myself from looking back one more time.

I see him kissing her.

I decide that god is punishing me for being so nosy.

It's better to just go home.

As I walked back to my home I feel as if I'm walking down memory lane… I remember why we stopped talking… it was my entire fault… a stupid drunken mistake…

Yet it was something that I don't regret… just regret the way I handled the aftermath.

_**Flashback…**_

_I just took my last hit from Natsu's blunt. Yeah, it's safe to say I was pretty blasted with my best friend right now. I laughed at the thought; I turn my head to my left and stare at Natsu who was sitting next to me on the couch. _

_He was starring right at me with intense onyx eyes. _

_I think I forgot how to breathe._

_The intensity of his gaze was overwhelming and I couldn't help but feel lost in his eyes._

_Maybe I'm too high… and drunk, I mean I did have a lot to drink tonight._

"_Natsu… what's up with the stare man?" I laugh as I see his face contort into a confused one._

"_I was starring at you Luce?" I nod my head at him while continuing to laugh. He shakes his head at me then proceeds to laugh._

"_Damn… my bad Luce! Shit, I really didn't notice I was creeping."_

"_You stay creeping man it's okay though… man this place is empty…" I say as I look around his now empty apartment. See Natsu was having a farewell party in his apartment and the guests now all left since it was already close to four am. _

_In just two days Natsu would be leaving town for his new job. _

_I could feel my heart ache and the usual stinging in my eyes. He was my best friend and the man I have been in love with for god knows how long. How could I possibly say goodbye? I feel the tears falling from my eyes and in the next second I hear Natsu's panicked voice…_

"_Luce? Luce, why are you crying?" I choke on another sob and begin to frantically wipe my hands over my eyes. _

_What a way to ruin a night… _

_I'm so selfish… I can't even be happy for him; instead I just sit here and cry in front of him making him worry._

_I was so wrapped up in my thought's I failed to notice Natsu's warm body next to mine with his arms wrapped around my frame; His husky voice whispering sweet things into my ear._

"_Luce… pl-ease… please, don't cry…" one of his hands was caressing my cheeks wiping the tears away. "Please, stop, I hate seeing you cry… you're too beautiful to have tears staining your face Luce…" _

_I could feel the warmth from his hand as he pulled my face upward so that I'd look at him. _

"_Please, tell me why you're crying?" I don't know if I was hallucinating at the moment but I could swear I saw his eyes red and teary as he looked down into my own. _

"_I-I don't know… I don't know why." He pulled me towards him, his body was like a furnace… he was radiating so much heat I just wanted to dive into it and let it burn me alive. I could feel Natsu rubbing my back as he kissed my head, cheek and neck then he kissed my ear and I could feel a shiver wreck through my body as he whispered. _

"_Well… just, please, stop it… I don't wanna see ya crying." Then he went and continued kissing me from my ear down to my neck. I knew at that moment that if I didn't stop him this would lead somewhere me and him never ventured towards to… somewhere forbidden. I knew it yet I didn't stop him…_

_I could feel his warm soft lips kiss my neck then he slowly starting to suck on my pulse. "I don't ever wanna see you cry…" He continued kissing my neck as his hands rubbed my back then one of his hands went and lightly squeezed my ass. _

"_Ooo…Natsu…" I threaded my hands through his soft pink tresses and pulled him away from me. He looked down at me and I could see all these emotions overflowing in his eyes… I was lost… lost in his gaze. I couldn't help it and just went straight for the kiss. _

_Jesus Christ and all that is holy… I dreamed countless of times what it would feel like to kiss him, to feel his lips on mine. He tasted sweet mixed with alcohol and weed. Perfect… I began kissing him with more force, my hands touching his body, he was perfectly muscled, god, I could just imagine licking and kissing him from his neck to his chest to his manhood. Natsu licked my lips as if asking for permission which was quickly without a doubt granted. He wasted no time now in dominating the kiss. I could feel his hand cupping the back of my head and the other squeezed and massaged my right breast. I whimpered breaking the kiss pressing my forehead against his. We were both breathing hard. I didn't realize I needed to breathe… just like how I didn't notice how or when I fell in love with him I. just. Did._

_I needed him tonight._

_I needed him more than anything in this world._

_If only for one night… I wanted to have him all for myself. _

_Because I feel like this is the only time I can indulge in what I really feel. _

_Just this __**once**__…_

"_Natsu, your room now!" I told him in a hurried voice._

_He nodded his head eagerly at me as he kissed me again this time more heatedly. He grabbed my waist and stood up. My legs automatically wrapped around him without breaking the kiss. We stumbled a bit but that was the least of our worries. As soon as I felt my back hit his door I looked back a bit through my peripheral then reached behind me to open the door and in a matter of seconds I felt my back land on soft covers effectively ending my kiss with this gorgeous man in front of me whom by the way was currently taking off his shirt. I could see his abs move and the muscles on his arms ripple as he took off his shirt. Then he proceeded to take off his pants, his Adonis lines showing perfectly in the moonlight. _

_I don't think I have ever been this turned on in my life._

_He was perfect… just perfect in my eyes._

_I sat up on his bed and began to slowly take off my shirt. The look he was giving me was downright overwhelming. I felt like a captured prey just waiting for my captor to devour me whole. Once the shirt was off I reached behind me and unclasped my bra. Once the bra was off I threw it out towards the darkness that I felt was swallowing the room. I heard Natsu's breathing hitch. I could see his hand clenching and unclenching then he all but whispered…_

"_Luce… Luce I don't think I can hold back anymore…" his eyes went from looking at my uncovered breast licking his lips one last time before looking into my eyes. "I need you… I need you so bad right now…" then he grabbed my face and kissed me… the kiss held so much want, lust, desperation and need that it left me speechless. I could feel his hands grabbing my breast, his thumb rubbing over the nipples making me whimper then he softly pinched and pulled them._

"_Natsu…" he continued kissing my neck and running his hands over every crook and cranny of my body._

"_Luce… you… you really don't know how long I have wanted this…" I felt his hand dip into my skirt and he touched my woman hood lightly, the bastard was teasing me. "How much I've wanted to touch you…" _

_He began to slowly take of my skirt letting it fall onto the floor then he caressed up my legs till his face was right in front of my panty covered womanhood. "How much I've wanted to taste you…" I felt his tongue lightly press down there. Then his tongue pressed a little firmer on my clit and at that moment I couldn't help but buck a bit. _

"_Natsu… please… please, don't tease me…" I let out another whimper as he bit his lip and pulled away. He removed my panty and I couldn't stop the moan that escaped me as he went straight for my clit. _

_Jesus fuck that felt amazing… he sucked and put the perfect amount of pressure and it didn't help that I was extremely sensitive down there .I couldn't take it, I was becoming undone…_

"_AYY! NATSU! Oh-ooh fuck baby…" I felt my legs trembling and I tried to get away but he held me down firmly. I could only keep on squirming._

_It was just too much._

"_Natsu… please… Ohhh baby!" he sucked and licked putting more pressure. I looked down at him and I could literally feel myself getting more aroused. Seeing his face down there as he looked back up at me was just too erotic. I saw him roll his eyes and moan as if he tasted the most delicious dessert. His groaning and moaning added to the pleasure I was already feeling. I wasn't gonna last… not like this I wasn't._

"_Please baby stop… I-I can't…" I tried squirming away but his hold was strong. "Natsu… oh my god! Baby I-I'm go-nna cu-cum!" _

"_**NAAAATSSSSSUUUUUUUUU**__!" _

_I don't think I ever felt such an intense orgasm in my life… I'm pretty sure if some people around the block didn't know Natsu, then for sure they would know him now by the way I screamed his name._

_Not to mention the fact that the love I felt for him was so overwhelming it just intensified everything. I was panting heavely then once I caught my breath I finally decided to open my eyes and I see him pull away with a smug smirk on his face._

"_I think I found my favorite new dessert." He said as he was crawling towards me on the bed and I just couldn't help but snort._

"_Relax king of the jungle." _

"_If Loke hears ya he is gonna flip out." _

"_Why?" I asked as I propped myself on my arms as he lay on top of me, his arms holding his upper body._

"_You know the guy thinks he is like lion king or something just because of his zodiac sign." I laughed because for the love of hamburgers we are wasted. I hear Natsu snort then he buried his head in the crook of my neck while he started laughing._

"_You're an idiot, you know that?" he hummed and kissed my neck lightly then propped himself on his arms again to look down at me. I peeped down and saw he still had his boxers on. _

"_I see something that may need my assistance!" he gave me a confused face asking why and I just responded him by just dipping my right hand in between us and cupping his manhood…_

_The alcohol and weed had me feeling braver and bolder than usual…_

_The reaction was instantaneous, his eyes closed and he hissed bucking a little bit into my hand. _

_He certainly wasn't small down there either…_

_And just like that the mood immediately turned sexual. _

_I began palming his cock then dipped my hand inside and grabbed it. It had a velvety texture but was rock hard. I moved my hand from the base to the tip then rubbed my thumb over the slit spreading the pre-cum he had accumulated there around. At this Natsu groaned then opened his eyes to look down at me. _

_I felt like drowning_

_How can someone with such dark seemingly plain eyes demonstrate such emotions and look so beautiful. _

_So… overwhelming…_

_He licked his lips then bit them and I just continued my ministrations. He began to shallowly buck into my hand and I couldn't help biting my own lip while I looked at the different pleasurable expressions that took over his face. _

"_Luce…" he groaned and with my free hand I decided to grab his soft pink tresses. I could feel his cock twitch and a small groan escape his lips. _

"_Oh luce…"_

_I wanted more… _

_I wanted to taste him…_

_To make him become undone just as he had done to me…_

_I wanted to make love to him… _

_In the next second Natsu grabbed my hand that was on his man hood and effectively stopped my hand-job. My mind was becoming foggier every passing second with lust and my under the influence mind wasn't much help on the matter either._

"_Luce… you gotta stop or I'm gonna explode…" I removed my hand and brought them both back up placing them on his shoulders. Natsu reached under him and I could hear some rustling then in the next seconds I felt his cock right on top of my woman hood. _

_The need that rushed through me to feel this man and become one once and for all just shook my body to the core. And it looked like he felt the same if the look of desire and want his face had on at the moment was any indication to go on._

"_Luce… I… I…" I could feel him move rubbing our parts together, I could feels his tip rub from my clit down to my entrance. "Lucy… I can't wait anymore…"_

"_Then do it." As soon as the words left my mouth he sank all the way in me in one swift movement. It was so deep… I could feel him twitching inside of me adding on to the sensation. I couldn't help but moan. _

_He began to move and I joined him, my body immediately responding to his, wanting to be as close as possible. What started off as slow quickly turned to deep, hard thrusts that had my toes curling._

"_NATSU! Ohh… oh… god!" _

"_Fuck Luce!" _

_The room was filled with our moans and cries of pleasure. I had thought the head was intense but it by no means compared to __**this**__. To having him inside of me, filling me up and rubbing all of the right places. _

_It was all too much…_

_I was gripping one shoulder while the other hand scratched down his back. My eyes were shut closed in pleasure; I could feel Natsu's hot breathe on my neck, hear all of his groans and whispers of my name. I felt him shifting and then he simply told me…_

"_Lucy, open your eyes." He gave a particularly hard thrust causing me to moan louder. "Open your eyes I want you to look at me." He gave another deep thrust that made me open my eyes and moan rather loudly. Thought the second I opened my eyes to stare right back at his I knew it was a mistake._

_Captivated was what I felt…_

_I could just see all the different emotions swirling in the depths of those onyx orbs…_

_It's like his soul was laying bare for me to see._

_He put his forehead on top of mines while starring deep into my eyes. His thrusting slowed down yet still went hard and deep. _

_It was at the moment that I realized that I wanted him for the rest of my life…_

_I wanted to know every curve, muscle, and pleasure spot on his body…_

_I wanted to make love to him over and over again…_

_I wanted to stare into his eyes for as long as I could…_

"_Luce, Lucy… I love you."_

_My eyes widened as what just slipped out of his mouth. I thought to myself I'm definitely wasted and this is probably just a dream. _

_Because Natsu would nev-_

"_I love you so much Luce…"_

_I could feel my eyes sting…_

_My heart swell…_

_NO, STOP IT!_

_STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! I mentally screamed at myself… he is just drunk… he doesn't even know what he's saying…_

"_I love you so, so, much…" then he swept down and kissed me. The amount of love affection, passion and desire I felt through it was enough to feel the pleasure build and build till I exploded. I reached my peak and I broke the kiss, I moaned his name loudly as my nails scratched down his smooth, hard back. _

_My world was shattered by the intense orgasm that hit me at that moment. I felt my entire body tense and my toes curling to such an extremity I got cramps. _

"_NATSUUUUUUU! AYYYY!" _

_I could fee Natsu twitching inside of me as he buried his face in the crook of my neck._

"_Luce… oh god…"_

_Don't say it please…_

"_I love you, baby…"_

_Don't say it because I might just believe you._

_I love you, Natsu. "I love you, Natsu."_

"_LUCE!" I felt him shivering as he tightly shut his eyes. "Oh god!"_

_I knew once this was all over… everything would change… _

_Because he wasn't meant to be mine…_

_I wish I could read minds… _

_So that your true feelings and thoughts wouldn't be hidden…_

_So that I could truly know if you really love me…_

_**End Of Flashback…**_

But I knew it was all a lie and I just couldn't take him hating me more. I couldn't take the look of hatred or disapproval he would give me in the morning. I couldn't face the outcome nor to actually hear how I and he couldn't be friends anymore. So I did what any coward person would do.

I ran away and left before he woke up in the morning…

I didn't even say goodbye to him at the airport…

I even changed my number the _second_ I got home. I completely shut him out of my life. So I can't blame anyone but myself really. I don't even have a right to love him and all I really have are excuses. But damn it all to hell if I said it didn't hurt.

_Because it hurt like hell._

I haven't seen him in so long… when did he even come back? I couldn't help but wonder why.

A million questions rushed inside my mind.

How was his life now? Did he still have the same job? Was he married? Was he on vacation? Did he still talk to our friends? I mean I still do but they make sure to never talk of Natsu around me… they don't know what _happened_ but they do know _something_ happened that caused me and him to drift. That had been a hard year because at first no one wanted to accept it.

Everyone said it was weird, because there was no Natsu without Lucy; Two peas in a pod who are always together. Thinking on that made me question…

Did he miss me?

Does he even remember me?

I need to shut the fuck up because It's getting pathetic…

* * *

_One month later… Magnolia central park…_

I was running through the park with my earphones on. The song #Selfie by Chainsmokers currently playing on my phone… HEY DON'T JUDGE ME! Yes, the girl and the lyrics are annoying but the beat is just too good so I forgive the Dj this once.

It's been a month since seeing _him _again. The month has been good and I have managed to once again recover from my relapse. He obviously has a girlfriend and has a good life and that is enough for me.

Besides I have a good life also and love my job, have amazing friends so I can't complain.

Did seeing him make me realize how much I still miss and love him? Yeah, you can say that but some things in life can't change.

Suddenly feeling out of breath from my fifth lap I stop on the sidewalk stepping off to the side to catch my breath. But that moment wasn't lived for too long when an asshole bumped into me causing me to pummel in face first into the ground.

"OH SHIT!"

"KYAAAAA!" Fuck that hurt! Oh, this person was gonna get told a new one by me! They were gonna learn today!

"Hey, ma'am, are you okay?"

_**MA'AM!? I'M ONLY 24! **_

"Hey! Asshole, who do yo-" My ranting was caught off when my eyes caught a head full of pink hair.

_No… _

"Luce?" his eyes widen as he looked at me but as quickly as they widened they narrowed and he looked away as he began to stand up. The flash of hurt I saw in those dark onyx eyes was enough to break my heart into a million tiny pieces.

Once he was up again he turned to me and offered me his hand to help me up. I was stuck in place, completely frozen. I stared at his hand like it was the most alien thing to come across with on this planet.

"Hey are you just going to sit on the ground starring at my hand like it's infected with something or are ya gonna take it and let me help you get back up?!"

His words shook me out of my stupor and I hesitantly took his hand. The moment my hand came into contact with his I felt my insides churn and my face heat up. My body felt like it was set on fire. Once I was on my feet I immediately let go missing the warmth it had emitted the second I lost it.

"I'm very sorry Mr.!" am I serious!? Did I just go all formal on him? On the guy who was my love and best friend since way back? Did I just treat him like a stranger whom I didn't know? Someone _please_ punch me, I could tell Natsu was also shocked by the way his eyes widened again. I could see anger and hurt swirl in those eyes as he stared down at me.

"Really? Really Luc- I mean Miss. Argh, I mean are you seriously gonna…" he took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know what forget it! Sorry for bumping into you. Goodbye."

He stepped off the side beginning walking away from me. I couldn't believe it. The first chance I get to talk to him and instead of apologizing, making casual conversation or even asking about the weather I treat him like a stranger. I feel my eyes sting and a tear slips from my eye going down my face.

I had no right to even be an acquaintance…

"_I'm sorry Natsu…"_

He was a couple of steps in front of me and I don't know if he heard me or not. I wasn't really planning on him hearing me nor on him turning around and forgiving me but I needed to say it.

He deserved that much.

"_I'm so sorry… goodbye." _I wiped my face and sniffled a bit then walked opposite of him and made my way back to my apartment.

Needless to say, the rest of my day was spent crying while mentally beating myself for being so stupid.

* * *

_One week later._

I groan as I try to reach out for my phone that was somewhere on my bed. The stupid ringing was seriously annoying me. Who in the world would call me in the middle of a nap? My hand finally felt my iPhone and I dragged it towards my face to look at the caller ID.

_Erza Scarlet._

I groaned again and immediately picked up. Figures it'd be Erza and I knew better than to avoid her and suffer her wrath.

"Hello?"

"_Lucy, is that any way to greet a friend who you kept waiting for good whole minute on the phone?"_

"Yes, yes I know. Sorry."

"_Mhm… not good enough but it'll do...for now. Listen the reason I'm calling is because all of us are gonna meet up on Saturday at Fairy tail for a few drinks and stuff. The whole gang is going to be there." _

"This Saturday?"

"_Yes, that would be correct, Lucy."_

"Yeah Sure, I'm in just let me know the time?"

"_Splendid! It'll be around 7:30 and not a second later!"_

I couldn't help but snort at Erza and her quirks. "Yeah, I'll be there 7:30 on the dot!"

"_You better! Well, see you then, text me later! Bye."_

"Okay I will. Goodbye." I pressed end on my screen pad and decided to go right back to sleep. I hang out with my friends often but it's rare for all of us to manage to hang out at the same time so I'm actually pretty excited for Saturday. I can't wait to talk to levy, Erza, Gray, Cana and the whole gang.

Thanks universe, I needed this.

* * *

_Saturday night…_

Fuck you universe! I didn't need this!

Damn it! Damn it all to hell! Why can't I catch a fucking break?!

As soon as I walked into the bar fairy tail I saw everyone seating down at the corner but they hadn't noticed me yet. None of them saw me except him.

I made eye contact with him the _second_ I stepped inside the place.

How was _this_ possible I don't know…

I saw his mouth moving then I see him get up then he was walking towards me. My eyes widened and I had the strongest urge to run away or to hid in a nearby corner but one quick glance at the couches my friends were sitting on let me know that I should just stay put and not make Natsu look bad. Besides, They were all staring at Natsu walking towards me the expressions on their faces was of worried and hope.

Hope for what I don't know…

But I didn't even have the chance to think more on that because he was in front of me already.

"Can we speak outside real quick?" before I even nodded my head Natsu was making his way through the door. I followed behind him after a few hesitant seconds. I could only imagine the worst.

Once outside I looked to my side and see him pull out a cigarette and lit it up.

_Wait a minute…_

_Since __**when**__ did Natsu Dragneel smoke cigarettes?_

_God, what else don't I know about him?_

"In case you were wondering it's a new habit of mines but don't worry I'm quitting soon."

I could feel his stare on me even though he wasn't really facing me. I don't know how he did it but he just always knew when I had something on my mind. I see him inhale another puff and I couldn't help but scoff and cross my arms over my chest.

"Yeah, well I wasn't wondering about your health endangering habits… idiot…"

"Well, it looks like Lucy Heartfilia finally has more than two words to say to me."

To that I didn't have a remark. All I did was lower my head and started playing with the hem of my dress.

"I didn't know you would be here today… If you want I could leave, Natsu."

To this he turned around fully facing me looking me straight in the eyes.

"I heard you."

_What? If he heard my question then wy not respond with an answer? _I think Natsu caught on to my confusion pretty quick because he kept speaking.

"I heard your apology that day in the park."

My eyes widened but he just kept on talking.

"The group was having a little welcome home party for me since I returned back to magnolia." He took another drag then continued speaking. "I was the one who told Erza to call you. I wanted to speak to you."

To say I was shocked was an understatement and I couldn't help but feel a twinge of happiness at the fact that he did want _me _here. Yet the moment of happiness didn't last long…

"I don't know what happened between us… after that… that mistake we made."

_Oh god, please no, this was what I feared of hearing…_

_Feared of hearing about how much of a mistake that night was when in reality to me it was the one night in my life I could never regret._

"I'm still hurt about the way you just left, Luce. We were more than friends we were best friends… hell even family if you wanna call it that!" he walked towards me till he was only inches away from my face.

"I still can't say I have completely forgiven you for leaving the way that you did… for cutting me out of your life without as so much of a reason but _**fuck**_, I'd be lying if I said you don't mean a lot to me Luce."

I couldn't believe my ears… "So, what are you saying, Natsu?"

"It means that I'm willing to work on our friendship if you want to."

"Natsu… I-"

"Maybe we won't ever be like before… like how we used to be but I'm willing to be friends hell even acquaintances if that's all you want."

_**No! **_

No, This isn't how this should be! I should be the one to give him the choice of keeping me in his life or not, not the other way around! Before I could stop the words they slipped out of my mouth…

"But why? Why are you giving me a choice what I did was-" he raised his hand effectively stopping my talking.

"Because Luce… someone you have spent ten years of your life with everyday is someone worth fighting to keep around. One stupid, very _**stupid **_mistake that could have been talked over or been fixed shouldn't be able to break our friendship so easily." He looked down at me his eyes showing a flash of hurt for a moment made my heart clench. "I mean, am I so easy to forget and erase?"

No… no, you aren't easy to forget nor erase Natsu Dragneel.

I have you embedded into my soul.

If I die and come back in another life my body and soul will still remember you.

It will still remember the love it held for you.

I feel tears sting my eyes as I smiled up at him. I was being given a second chance to correct my mistake and I for one wasn't going to toss it. "Of course I would love to be friends with you, you silly goose. You don't even have to ask me twice about it."

The grin I receive in the next second made me feel complete.

Maybe he would never be mines but I know I would be just fine having him as my friend.

* * *

_Three months later…_

Even though me and Natsu agreed to be friends it didn't mean things were perfect and that it was all sugar and rainbows suddenly.

To say in the least, it was very, _**very**_ hard.

I could really see how he struggled around me.

I finally see how much of what I did affected my best friend.

_Well, ex-best friend…_

We text every other day for a bit and we hang out with our friends but when we are in person together there is an atmosphere so tense I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and If I just take one wrong step everything will go kaboom!

I did though despite all the struggles learned a bit about what Natsu's been up to this last three years.

Turns out after he left for his job up north, he moved up in rank in the police department he was at and then about a year ago he had an accident and took him about four months to recover; after that he decided that he wanted to be back home and got a transfer to be chief down here in magnolia. The reason why? He said that if he was gonna die he wanted it to be back home. He also didn't tell me what happened in his accident or what happened to him just that he had one. He moved with his girlfriend Lisanna, they have been dating since his accident, he told me they were childhood friends and he actually bumped into her in the hospital he was in then later on he said that she was actually the nurse who was in charge of his care.

I remember when he showed me a photo of said girl, when he started bringing her along when we would all go to chill with our friends.

It was the same silver haired girl from that day five months ago.

She truly was beautiful and far beyond better than me.

I could never compete with her but what I could do was be happy for him.

Be happy for her for getting such an amazing man.

I sighed as I turned to my side on the bed. Man this sucks. I thought I would be fine with being his friend and I knew it wouldn't easy but I didn't know it would hurt this much. I had the strongest urge to call my father and just have him come over so he could comfort me.

Tell me that everything would be alright.

After me and him made up we had been inseparable since then. He was actually the only one who knew what happened between me and Natsu and what I did. He was my rock during that time and I'm grateful to have had him there for me during that hard part of my life.

I decided just that and pulled my phone from under my pillow and immediately went to dial for my father's number. It rang numerous times, which that in itself was weird because my dad always answers his phone immediately. When his recorder came on I just left a quick voicemail telling him to call me back then decided to just take a nap. He was probably in a meeting anyways.

* * *

_Couple of hours later…_

I was once again woken up by the ringing of my phone but I didn't mind much because I knew it was my dad jude. I looked at the caller ID and was confused.

He called from the house number.

My dad's acting weird today. I snorted then pressed the talk button with my finger.

"Hello papa!" it was dead silent on the other line giving me this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"_Miss. Lucy…" _

"Mrs. Spetto? What happened? Wha-"

"_Miss. Lucy, something terrible has happened."_

"what? What happened!?"

"_I don't even know how to even tell you I just-"_

"TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED, MRS. SPETTO!?"

"_Mr. Jude has… has died miss. Lucy…"_

"…"

"_Oh miss. Lucy your father is gone! I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry to have to tell you the news. I-"_

"… How did he die?"

"_A car accident; His was doing errands with his driver and they were hit by a drunk driver… they died on impact miss. Lucy."_

I couldn't feel anything after that. I couldn't even cry. I was just numb.

I don't know when I got up from my bed all I knew was that I was frozen.

I don't know how to feel…

I want to cry but the tears won't come out.

What do I do?

"What do I do?"

I couldn't hear the frantic calling of my name from Mrs. Spetto through the phone, I couldn't hear anything, not the tv in the back ground nor the ringing of my phone.

All I did was just stand in the middle of my room frozen not knowing whether to cry or scream.

Wanting to do both but not being able to cry nor open my mouth to scream.

"What do I do?"

_WHAT DO I DO? _

I don't know how long I was there standing but in a flash I could hear someone knocking frantically on my door.

Was I going to get robbed?

Would they do me the favor and murder me in the process so I just wouldn't feel anything and everything at once anymore?

My thoughts were stopped when I see my door room being flung open and I see Natsu and Lisanna standing there.

"Luce…"

The second I saw him it was like the dam broke.

_My father was dead…_

_I have no one anymore._

_No one who loves me._

I don't know when I fell to the ground all I know was that I felt this incredible heat engulf me and I noticed Natsu arms were around me holding me tightly.

I looked for a moment behind him and I see his girlfriend's saddened look.

Even she was taking pity on me.

How pathetic am i?

Why can't I be stronger?

My vision was blurry, my face hot and I could feel the tears running down non-stop. I could feel how tightly I gripped Natsu's shirt. No matter how hard I cried I couldn't relieve the pain… my heart still stung.

"It'll be alright Luce…" he gripped me tighter. "It'll be alright just please… _please don't cry."_

I don't know for how long he held me but it got to the point his girlfriend said her respects and left. Natsu stayed with me the entire night to the point I cried myself to sleep.

_Yet throughout the entirety of my breakdown I failed to notice Natsu also cried with me. _

_Failed to notice that he two __**cried**__ himself to asleep._

* * *

_Three days later..._

Today was my father's funeral. Natsu hasn't left my side since the day I got the news. We didn't talk much, actually we barely spoke but it was like he just knew that I couldn't bear to be alone.

The ceremony was already over and people were now in line waiting to give him their respects.

I wanted to be the last one.

All of my friends came and I was thankful for their support.

Hell even Lisanna came, even though me and her didn't talk much but she was here also.

Once everyone had paid their respects it was finally my turn. People were filing out of the room yet Natsu stayed behind. He was standing next to me as I looked down at my father's pale face.

I ran a few fingers across his cheek and the feeling of how cold his skin was made me flinch; my stomach revolting for bit.

This wasn't right.

He was supposed to be warm and his skin a healthy peach.

Why god?

I already had lost my mother, why did you have to take my father?

"Daddy…" I couldn't stop the tears even if I wanted too.

"Daddy you were always there to help me through my loses and dark times." I choked on a sob as my vision began getting blurry. "But who is gonna help me through this now, daddy? Who can possibly help me get through this if the person who would help is gone?"

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I had completely forgotten that Natsu was here with me. I thought he had left.

"Ya won't have to worry about Lucy, Mr. Jude because I'll make sure that she will be taken good care of."

My eyes widened at the words Natsu was saying.

"I promise. I'll miss you old man, Rest in peace."

I began to sob as I gripped the casket.

"I love you so much, I'm glad that these last seven years we were a happy family together. I'm gonna miss you so much but I know you're in a better place now." I bent down to give him a kiss on his forehead.

"Say hello to mom for me."

* * *

_Five months later…_

Ever since my father's death Natsu and I have been almost inseparable. True to the words he said to my father he has made sure that I get through this alright.

I even hangout with Lisanna now. We have become pretty close, she said she understood how I felt being that she lost her own parents at a very young age.

I can see why Natsu loves her. She wasn't just a pretty woman but she had a beautiful soul.

As a matter a fact today she was coming over my house. As if on que I hear knocking on my door.

I yelled over my shoulder from the kitchen. "Come right in Lis!"

I hear the door open then close.

"Hello Lucy."

The tone of her voice stopped the greeting that was about to come out of my mouth. Something was up with her and I could clearly tell.

"I need to speak with you Lucy."

I turned around to look at her; she wore this tired and saddened expression. Like as if she's given up.

"Lis what's wron-"

"Let me say what I have to say first, Lucy. Please?"

I nodded my head at her.

"I just wanted you to know I'm leaving back to my hometown."

I could feel my eyebrows scrunching in confusion.

Wait a minute if she was leaving then that meant…

"I'm also breaking up with Natsu."

"WHAT?!"

Her eyes began to tear up as she used one hand to wipe away a tear. "I'm sorry but I just can't keep this up anymore… I can't lie to myself anymore."

"Lisanna what are you going on about? Don't do this, Natsu loves you!"

"No, he doesn't."

"Yes, he-"

"Lucy, believe me I know I'm not the one for him. It's time that I let him go and I just can't compete anymore."

She walked up to me and hugged me tightly. "you are a very good friend Lucy. I'll miss you but don't worry we will keep in touch."

She stepped back and gave me a big smile.

"I hope you realize it one day."

"Realize what?"

"nothing." She laughed a bit as she started to walk away. "Just me talking non-sense, listen I won't be able to hangout today because I have packing to do."

"Does Natsu know?"

"Not yet." She opened the door and stepped out. "Talk to you later, Lucy."

* * *

_Later on that day…_

I was watching tv in the living room when my phone started ringing. I looked down at the caller and flinched.

Natsu…

My awkward talk/goodbye with Lisanna hasn't left my mind the entire day. And I'm positive that if Natsu is calling me it's because he knows now two.

I grabbed my phone and hesitantly answered it.

"Hello?"

_"Luce, can I come over?"_

"Uhh… yeah sure. Would it be a bother if I asked why?"

_"You know why… I need someone to talk to right now."_

"Yeah sure, come right over I'll be waiting."

_"Thanks. Be there in a bit."_

After that the call got disconnected. It took about thirty minutes before Natsu was on my doorstep knocking. I got up and walked to the door. I could feel my hand sweaty and I gripped the door knob and twisted it.

Natsu had one arm on the side his head down while the other arm held what looked to be beers…

Oh, no, booze and me just clearly don't mix right. Doesn't the idiot know that?

He looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey ya there, Luce."

* * *

To all my readers, good news I finally have internet! Yes! So to all of you who wanted updates believe me they will be coming soon! Thank you all.


	2. Chapter 2

**"Foolish Illusion."**

**Part 2.**

* * *

"Oh, hey there Natsu you sure got here fast." I stepped off to the side to let him come inside; my eyes on the drinks in his hand as he took of his shoes.

"I see you're in the mood to drink, no?"

"Is there something wrong?" the way he looked at me I felt like he was examining me and every movement I made. I knew that behind that question Natsu was asking me about what happened before.

"Nope, not at all!" I walked over to him and grabbed the bag holding the drinks. "To be honest I actually haven't drank in years and lately I admit I've been wanting one, he-he." I Looked up at him and smiled then walked to the kitchen with the bag.

I settled the bag on the counter and began to look for the bottle opener. I could hear rustling in the coach letting me know he was now on it. I opened the second drawer and finally found the stupid cap opener.

"Lisanna broke it off with me ya know…" I froze as I heard a sigh from his position on the coach. I could feel anxiety and nervousness settle in my stomach. I really didn't want to hear him say how much he would miss her or how hard it would be to get over such a wonderful girl…

Talk about being deep in the friend-zone, huh?

I just decided to nod my head without looking at him and began to open two bottles. One for me and Natsu, if he was upset that I didn't really answered him or not I didn't know because he just kept talking.

"I know I should be heartbroken… And I guess I kind of am you know because I guess now that if even she gave up on me I'm truly gonna die alone… "I grabbed the two beers and made my way to him. Once I was standing in front of him I could see he was deep in thought looking outside of my balcony.

"Natsu, don't say that! You are not gonna die all alone!"

"Would it be bad if I said I was relieved we broke up? Would that make me a bad guy Luce?" this time he looked straight at me and I didn't know what to say to him. He took the beer from my hand and took a long sip.

"I-I-"_Great, cat got my tongue._

"Because I did love her but it just wasn't that _type_ of love… I feel horrible man because I know she knew!" he took another long sip of his drink. "She knew that and it hurts me that I hurt her in such a way! That I'm such a bastard and couldn't love her the way she deserved!"

I was speechless… completely speechless, my mind couldn't form a single word of comfort nor advice for the distraught Natsu on my couch. This was definitely not what I was expecting.

Nope… not at all.

"FUCK!" he yelled and buried his hand deep into his pink tresses gripping tightly as he lowered his head.

I could feel the frustration, stress, disappointment and self-hatred rolling of him. I knew how he felt because I have felt the exact same way oh so many times before.

I didn't want to see him feeling this way.

Not now, not ever.

The entire time I had been standing trying to avoid sitting next to him while we drank but the sudden urge that arise in me to hug him and offer comfort overrode any thought on staying away. So I did just that.

I hugged him and ran my fingers through his soft hair offering words of comfort.

Even though he wasn't crying I knew he needed this. I know that he needed to be made sure of that he wasn't alone.

"This will be over and forgotten in less time than you can imagine." I could feel his chest moving quivering a bit as he let out a sigh.

"Oh yeah, How do you know that?" he lifted his head and looked at me.

"Because I'll be here to help you." I put a hand over the one he had on his knee. "I promise."

The tiny smile that Natsu gave me let me know that he believed me and I knew he felt a little better when in less than a second he began to tease.

"Just to make sure you better scouts honor Luce."

"Oh shut up you idiot!"

"Scouts honor Luce or it doesn't count!"

"Jesus! You were never in any scouts!"

"Yeah but you were!"

In the end I ended up swearing my scouts honor to the dork and the rest of the night went just like that. Laughing, joking around drinking booze while watching TV till Natsu decided to head home because of work tomorrow.

I knew he would be alright because I will make sure he is.

* * *

_Few weeks later…_

I was in my house making lunch concentrated on the task at hand when a sudden knock on my door shook me out of my trance.

I sighed as I made my way to the door. I already knew who it was anyways.

And my assumption was confirmed once I opened the door.

Natsu and his cat happy, both standing there looking at me.

"Heya Luce!" he sniffed the air. "Right on time!"

"Go right ah-" I gasped as he rushes right past me to go inside my house and throw himself on my couch.

"NATSU!"

"I took off my shoes though!"

"NO YOU DIDN-" I start to yell when I trip. "KYAAAA!"

I groan as I looked towards my feet and see that I indeed tripped on natsu's shoes.

The shoes that he just left randomly lying around causing Me to trip.

"You idiot!"

"Luce why are you hurting my feelings!? I'm not an idiot!"

"Yes, you are! Next time just take your shoes off and leave them off by the door like a normal person!"

"I don't know what you're talking about! We all know you're the weird one here Lucy!"

I was gonna yell at him again when I heard the beeping in the kitchen.

"CRAP THE FOOD!"

* * *

_3 months Later…_

Today was my birthday.

The big twenty-five.

Oh god, I'm twenty-five and still not married what a disappointment. I mean I always thought that I would be married by now or that Natsu and I would…

_Stop it Lucy… don't go there again. _

_Besides those are my stupid eighteen year old thoughts. Back when I didn't know how fucked up life could be or how you never really get what you want. _

I sighed trying to relax as I applied my last bit of make-up.

Natsu said he had planned a little dinner for my birthday with all of our friends. He said that was my second gift. His first gift had been a gold necklace with a lucky charm.

Reason for the lucky charm? Because of the fact my parents think of me as lucky Lucy. The conversation went a little like this…

"_Natsu… it's beautiful! But why a lucky charm?" I looked at him then back at the charm. It was a very beautiful charm though._

"_You know you're lucky Lucy." I gasped as I could see a bit of pink dust his cheeks._

"_Natsu…"_

"_I got it so that you will always remember that even though your parents aren't here with you anymore you were the most precious thing they had and that they were lucky to have you just like how I'm lucky to have you, Sooo… Happy birthday, Luce."_

_By the end of his speech the tips of his ears were red and I couldn't help but laugh. "Thank you… it's the best gift I could have received."_

Yeah… I guess me and him were a little cheesy there but I don't care.

But I think the greatest gift I got was being informed by Natsu that he quit smoking completely and has been clean for months. Although I knew it just being told by him was better. It made me feel like a good friend that I helped him stop.

I hope that I can keep his friendship forever.

He said everyone would be there, including Lisanna. I didn't mind her going at all as a matter a fact me and her have kept in contact after she left. The only thing I was worried about was if there would be any awkwardness between those two but she assured me they were over it and that she actually was bringing a friend with her whom she had a huge crush on.

Bixlow was his name. Mhm… weird name but I guess he must be good if she likes him.

My phone began ringing and I picked it up without seeing who called but I had a guess on who it was.

"Hello, Lucy speaking."

"_You ready Luce?"_

I took one last look at myself on the mirror and I smiled knowing I looked good.

"Yes, I'm ready!"

"_Good cause I'm downstairs. Let's go they're waiting for the birthday princess."_

"Shut it bubblegum head. I'm not a princess so don't call me that." He laughed then the call was disconnected and I made my way downstairs.

The dinner was successful; it was funny how gray and Natsu still picked on each other after all these years. I met and talked with Bixlow and he is actually a great guy just looks wild. I would have never imagined Lisanna liking that type of guy. Wait what am I saying Natsu is probably wilder so forget it. And it turns out I worried over nothing because it was actually Natsu who introduced Bixlow and Lisanna. Yeah I know right? Turns out Bixlow worked in the police department Natsu did and he took over his position when Natsu moved back down here to magnolia.

He said that he thought they would be good together.

I don't know how he can do it. I mean he's not even mines and if I even see a girl flirting with him which happens more often than not I get incredibly jealous. I don't know how he was able to get over her. I hate how easily Lisanna moved on also.

_How come everyone is able to do it so easily yet here I am still in love with this pink haired idiot._

Anyways, the dinner was fun I received news that gray finally proposed to Juvia and Juvia was the entire time talking about how happy she was and how amazing her gray-sama was. Erza and Jellal announced that they were finally having a baby, which that made me happy because I know that Erza wanted one for awhile and I know they will be such amazing parents. Cana actually informed everyone that she got in contact again with her father Gildarts and they finally forgave each other for the fall out they had after her parents got a divorce not to mention she was talking to Laxus. And then to everyone's surprise we all found out Gajeel finally asked Levy out; which was in itself huge.

Why?

Because those two idiots have been in love with each other since god knows how long and are always together yet Gajeel never really made a move until recently; I was so happy my best friend finally got her wish.

I'm so happy for everyone and I wondered when I would find someone. When would Natsu find someone? Who would be first? I was happy about everyone but would I really be happy when the day came that Natsu told me he had a girlfriend? when he would propose to her? Get married… have kids…

Such thoughts immediately ruined my mood and I knew that I had to prepare myself because that day would come and I couldn't be sad, I couldn't because I finally managed to get back someone so important in my life I just can't risk losing.

I don't think I could bear losing Natsu again. I just don't see a future without him by my side even if he is just a friend.

I just don't ….

* * *

_Couple of months later…_

I was sitting crossed legged on the floor drinking beer as Natsu took his turn to roll the dice on the board. We were playing monopoly and I was currently winning.

"UGH! Are you serious another double? What the fuck!" I snorted almost spilling the beer in my mouth. I swallowed it quickly so that I could laugh properly..

"That sucks… looks like you're gonna have to go to jail and wait three turns." I smirked at him as he pouted back at me. "Or you could pay the fee of fifty and continue playing… your call."

He scoffed as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh fuck you Lucy! You know I'm broke!"

"Hey I was just stating the options no need to be rude!" I said with mirth as he glared at me but then he began to laugh and shook his head as he grabbed his mover which was the pot of money and moved it to jail. I laughed again.

"Ironic how they say the pot of money is supposed to bring you luck and win you the game yet here you are… broke and loosing." The pout/glare he sent my way was so adorable and sexy that it did things to me it wasn't suppose to; Such as turn me on… a lot, a whole fucking lot.

How is a pout/glare even sexy and cute I don't know but Natsu pulled it off.

"You're such an asshole Luce."

"Oh don't be a sore loser!"

"I haven't lost yet!"

"But you're gonna, that I know for a fact."

"Tch, whatever."

I couldn't help laughing and decided that we might as well get a break. Besides Natsu needed time to accept that he was gonna loose and my legs were falling asleep. A little stretching was do so I did just that.

I spread my legs outward and lifted my arms in the air and stretch as much as I could. I could feel my tank top rising a bit showing my tummy but I didn't care, I didn't feel alarmed or worried around Natsu. I yawned a little bit and as I finished my stretch I could feel Natsu's piercing gaze on me. I looked at him through the corner of my eyes and I really couldn't explain it but I felt just like I did that day in his house all those years ago.

His gaze held so many emotions that I couldn't really place a finger on what he felt exactly.

I felt trapped.

He was overwhelming me.

Does he even know what his eyes do to people? Christ, he was gonna be the death of me. I couldn't help the blush that covered my cheeks at that moment and with all the strength I could muster at the moment I cleared my throat to speak.

"Something wrong Natsu?" he licked his lips and leaned back moving his arms behind to hold him. he turned to look out the double doors to the balcony.

"You know today a girl who's a friend of mines from work asked me out on a date."

"Really?" I swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat.

_It was coming…_

"Yeah…"

_I was going to lose him again… _

"That's uhm… it's-"

"I told her I couldn't give her a direct answer yet."

I inhaled deeply as I looked at Natsu.

Why would he say that? Why is he telling me this then? What's….

"Lucy I gotta be honest with you about something that I've been holding in for a long time." He ran a hand through his hair and he sighed. "And when I say a long time I mean _**a long time."**_

He looked back at me with such an intense stare I froze on the spot. I could tell that whatever he was going to tell me he had contemplated it for awhile. A few moments passed and I realized he was waiting for some sort of reaction and I immediately nodded my head frantically and began to ramble.

"Yeah, yeah, sure… go ahead tell me! You know whatever it is Natsu I-"

"I'm in love with you."

He cut me off midsentence yet nothing in this entire universe could have prepared me for what he said.

_Was this a joke?_

_Because if this was a joke it was not fucking funny._

"Natsu…"

"I've been in love with you since I was probably sixteen…" he let out an exasperated sigh and ran a hand down his face. "Fuck, I have tried to be your friend… I tried to just… just look at you as a friend. I thought that would be enough you know… but it's not."

I still thought maybe this might be a sick joke that was being played on me because there would be no way Natsu… my Natsu loved me.

I mean wouldn't I have noticed it?

At that moment the talk I had with Lisanna some time ago popped back in my head.

"_**I hope you realize it one day."**_

Hoped I realized it one day…

I looked at Natsu who was currently hunched over his arms resting on his knees as he stared at the ground.

"Luce I know you don't feel the same and just… fuck… fuck… FUCK!"

My heart clenched when I saw tears roll down his face as he tried to look outside my balcony. His hands were turning white from how hard he had them closed in a fist.

Natsu was crying…

Natsu never cries, yet here he was…

"You don't know how much it hurt when you left me that day three years ago. "

"Natsu, plea-"

Shit. Shit. Shit. I couldn't possibly be prepared to talk about that day but it seemed he was.

"No, I just need to get this out of my chest so just listen to what I have to say." I wanted to spill everything I had held inside of me. I wanted to… no scratch that I needed to tell him how wrong he was! But the way he just spoke, something told me to keep shut and wait until he said what he needed to say.

Since we decided to try being friends again me and Natsu never really spoke about that day and that eventually we would have too but that didn't make me any less scared for the conversation and my mistakes

"I meant every single word I told you that night… every single fucking I love you I said I had meant it… and when you said it back I thought… I thought…" he stopped and breathed deeply then let it back out shakily."Then you were gone in the morning… I tried calling you but you changed your number."

I could feel my eyes burning hot with tears my chest too tight to bear.

The guilt I had tried to bury coming back full force.

I tried to touch him but the second my tips of my fingers made contact Natsu flinched out of my reach.

"Natsu I…"

"Just fuck! I get it was a mistake but why couldn't you just have told me instead of just abandoning me like that?" he got up and began pacing back and forth. "You didn't even say goodbye. You just disappeared out of my life!"

I could feel all the mistakes I made eating me up at the moment. I could feel my heart clenching with unbearable pain.

I say that I love him yet look at what I've done to him…

"I missed you Lucy! Jesus Christ you don't know how hard it was for me… how hard it was to forget you and that stupid night that was nothing but just a foolish illusion!" he was breathing erratically, the tears still falling down his face. He gripped his hair and let out sob with curses.

"Lucy, I couldn't sleep for months! I hated you during that time because every night I hoped you would call me and explain everything to me… tell me it was a sick joke… shit, I don't even _know_." He sighed as he continued to cry. "I hated myself because I couldn't forget you… because I knew that if I ever saw you again I would forgive you the second that I saw you."

He looked at me and laughed bitterly. "I think I can honestly say you ruined me with just one night… pathetic huh?"

"Natsu but you and Lisanna-"

"She wasn't you." He looked at me; his eyes were so red from crying, the sight broke me into a tiny million pieces. "She could never be you."

He looked away again. "You think I didn't try? I tried hard to move on… but I always ended up dating blonds with brown eyes who looked just like you but none of them were you." He looked at me again his eyes filling up with tears again. "When my accident happened and I got reacquainted with Lisanna I thought maybe I could finally move on… yet you know what's fucked up?"

"What?" my voice sounded foreign to me as I asked him. The lump in my throat was getting bigger and bigger by the second.

"When I had been so close to death the only thought I had in my head was to move back to magnolia because I didn't wanna to die without having you there by my side… I couldn't let myself die knowing me and you wouldn't even be friends."

"I really wished I could have fallen in love with Lisanna… to be happy with her and not be so stupidly in love with you, someone who will always see me as just her best friend. Someone who could so easily _replace_ me."

"Natsu, wait you're wr-"

He raised his hand in the air silencing me once again. It was frustrating me because I felt like if I didn't tell him at this moment what I felt I would lose him forever.

"I don't need any apologies, pity nor sympathy, Lucy. I especially don't want lies."

"But you're not ev-"

"I just wanted to tell you everything because I just can't do this anymore… I can't be your friend. I realized that day in your birthday that I could never see you with someone else and just remain your friend. I just can't Lucy… I'm sorry but I can't."

At that moment I couldn't help but feel angry.

Yes, I know I messed up but he doesn't know!

He doesn't know that I have suffered just as much as him. How dare he?

NO! "NO!" I didn't realized that I shouted my thought but once I opened my mouth I couldn't have stopped everything that came out after that even if I had wanted to.

The dam was broken…

"No! Just shut up already! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" I didn't realized that as I shouted I had closed my eyes. Once I opened them I noticed Natsu was standing still his hand on his jacket that was draped on my chair. His eyes wide and he looked confused.

_Just let me explain… please._

"You don't know anything… You don't even know just how wrong you are! You are so wrong about everything it makes me angry!" I could feel my heart clenching so painfully, just having to tell everything to Natsu… it hurts, hurts to have to think about those dark times and pain I wanted to bury deep inside.

"Natsu, I love you… I love you more than anything. I-I-I … you idiot!" I took a few steps closer to him because I need him to hear every single word that was about to leave my mouth.

"I was stupid back then, okay? I was so dumb and I was a coward. I ran away because I just couldn't bear to wake up in the morning and you tell me that you hated me, I couldn't bear to see you look at me with disgust and disbelief. I couldn't bear to lose you so I left. Disappeared… I did that so that I could avoid you breaking my heart." I inhaled deeply trying to get air into my lungs. I could feel my hot tears rolling down my face. It felt as if it was burning my skin.

"You think that I forgot about you or that I replaced you but that couldn't be farthest from the truth. You haven't left my mind not even for a second these last three years. Believe me your on it every single waking moment. You don't even know what I went through… I was so fucked up I had to even see a therapist and go on some special medicated pills to help me feel normal again. You say that I ruined you but I think it is quite opposite really…"

"Luce I didn't even kn-"

"Nobody did… it was just something that I kept to myself." I sighed and looked at the wall absentmindedly. "It was something that I had to do myself."

"I felt horrible for leaving you that day… for not saying goodbye. I knew that I didn't deserve you nonetheless your friendship or kindness. The only person who was with me through it all was my dad… because of him I was able to get back on my feet and start my life again. So believe me when he died I felt like I lost the only person who could understand me and help me."

I began crying all over again and I couldn't help but to clutch myself. "I'm so sorry for everything… I'm so sorry for making you feel this way I thought that by leaving everything would be better off that way." I looked at him in the eyes and I could see tears gathering there all over again. "I love you and I'm not saying we should get together now, now that we both know how we feel because we are just so fucked up and we might have ruined our chance to be together with our mistakes but please… please Natsu don't leave me."

Natsu began walking towards me and in the next second I could feel his arms around me hugging me into a tight embrace. He was hugging me like if he even dared to let go I would disappear from his sight.

"Please don't leave me… I don't think I can handle losing you again, Natsu." I sobbed into his chest while my hands gripped onto his shirt for dear life. "I can handle you not being mines… I can handle you wanting to move on but I can't handle you not being a part of my life… just ple-"

"You don't have to worry." I could feel him bury his head in the crook of my neck and inhaling deep. "I'm not gonna leave Luce… you don't have to worry anymore just _please… please, don't cry."_

I don't know for how long we stood there hugging onto each other in the middle of my living room. I don't know what confessing all of this to each other means. I don't know how much my life will change from now on but what I do know was that I loved him regardless.

I just wanna cherish this moment that I have right now with him and soak up his body heat.

Natsu backed away a bit and he looked straight into my eyes. I could feel his hand caressing my cheek wiping any leftover tears there. I knew his eyes were asking me a question, the intensity that they held, they were full of adoration, love, want and lust. I knew that I wanted him just as much as he wanted me.

I slowly and barely nodded my head and in the next second I felt his lips on mine.

It wasn't fireworks; no… no word or expression could define what I felt that moment as his lips moved against mine.

I buried my hands deep into his hair, softly tugging and pulling him closer. Natsu pulled me flushed against him yet I knew I could never be too close to him… I could never feel enough of him.

He was my addiction.

One thing led to another and we made love. Not once nor twice or thrice but literally throughout the entire night. And no matter all the times we did it there was always a new place on his body that I wanted to feel, taste and forever engrave into my brain.

But the best part was that we weren't drunk but completely sober and conscious of our actions. We were both aware that we loved each other and wanted to be together.

And we did stay together.

_Every single night after that._

I realized I had the rest of my lifetime to memorize everything about Natsu.

That I had until death to spend endless of time with him.

Pure bliss and happiness was what I felt.

No amount of quotes from the internet, no amount of words in the dictionary, no verbs or lines from a good book could possibly explain what I feel towards this man.

It's just unexplainable.

It just is…

* * *

**Okay so yeah this is the second part of my once one-shot turned two-shot. I know the characters may be OOC but it was necessary besides they are much older and what not so can't have them acting like teenagers lol. **

**Any who I hope everyone loves the ending. Now I just need to finish the chapters for all of my other stories. By the way this was entirely through Lucy POV I don't know if anyone wants Natsu POV of view later on if I get enough reviews letting me know that you guys want his share than I will write it. Also Lisanna did fight for Natsu remember they were together for a year, it wasn't like she just got up and left but more like she saw the truth and realized that Natsu just wouldn't love her the way she wanted to be loved. It happens and I don't really see neither Lucy nor Lisanna as the type to compete or fight. I don't see Lisanna as the type to make people miserable or act out. **

**Anyways rambling over.**

**Enjoy!**


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